Tyson Ellis Berardo
Tyson Ellis Berardo is a trans man from Randolph, New Jersey and has been writing poetry for a few years. A writing tutor and member of his university's honors program, he is working towards his BA in English at Saint Elizabeth University. Tyson has previously worked with Arts By The People in the spring of 2022 in Jump the Turnstile under a different first name. He has also attended several of Arts By The People’s open mic nights and poetry workshops. Tyson is super excited to submit to Platform Review, as this would be his very first publication.
Bound Lungs
a tight squeeze makes me question if i can even get it over my head—did i measure wrong?
my heart races it struggles to go on or off will i have to cut myself out? will i have to call for help? i struggle it finally goes on—or i thought it was that simple another
ten minutes of adjusting everything just to feel more comfortable with how it looks and feels finally it’s in place i turn glance in the mirror—No this isn’t what i want at least—not right now a new type of fear enters my mind—how in the hell do i get it off?
more squeezing today but this time—it’s a hug like there is always someone with me controlling
my breathing it’s a cozy weighted blanket there to soothe me all day long another glance in the mirror—Yes i finally like what i see But—still something isn’t right the never-ending battle continues someone’s pressing dumbbells down on my ribcage until my lungs can’t fully expand—it becomes impossible to take a complete breath
—a band of bruises claims my body my heart pounds beneath this chest plate that has turned into
armor—an ironclad shield hiding my reality from the world
now i need something to wear over it
A Name 6 Feet Under
i never imagined your funeral
unlike you—it’s dark and gray
watching them pile dirt on your coffin
the proper burial i never pictured
tried to be who you wanted
hoped to live up to expectations
compacted into a display case of lies
unable to feel my own smile of stone
i longed to watch you burn
deep into the skin of those who loved you
now that you’re really gone i mourn the
loss
—funny—never thought i’d cry
i leave fresh flowers at your tombstone
nearly every day
it’s hard to believe i ever hated you
but i was just born this way
looking back at pictures of us
i can't help but miss you
bitter-sweet moments are all we have
because we will no longer be
i try to carry on your legacy
and still move forward in my life
i defend you loud and clear
because you are anything but dead
i never attended your funeral
days with you were cold and long
waiting for the day you’d leave
because i never asked for you
feared you were forcing me to
become something i was not
life grew into lies
doing what i thought i should
i dreamed for the day you would finally be
dead
and give me the freedom i desperately
needed
now that you’re gone i’m finally complete
i fucking wonder why
when i think of you i cringe
nearly every time
it’s hard to believe i ever lived with you
how could i possibly survive?
you were stuck to me like glue
never leaving me alone
became the most annoying fly
making part of me want to die
moving on proves difficult
as part of you still stays
you’ll always be a part of me
no matter what might change
in your memory remains
the bane of my existence
somehow i try to find freedom
in being truly me
Call My Name
After Kayleb Rae Candrilli’s Daytona 500
every day—it’s “my baby girl”
it’s “my beautiful baby girl”
it's everything except
me
every moment—
every time we talk
we don’t get anywhere
I bang my fist on the desk
hang my head
I know I can’t
pound my thoughts into
yours
every day—I hold my breath
hoping praying
you’ve finally
figured it out
but no—
I end up biting down on my tongue
so I don’t scream in your face
I clench my jaw
tighten my stomach
grasp the air
tight in my fists
all to keep from hanging up the phone
to care is to call a name right?
that’s what you believe—
to really care is to call my name