Melissa Libbey
Melissa Libbey was born and raised in Rahway, New Jersey. She holds a B.A. in Journalism from Rider University and an M.A. in English and Writing Studies from Kean University. She curates the SPOKEN! Podcast with her students and serves as the Managing Editor of the SPOKEN! Magazine which works with students to share their voices and perspectives. Currently, she is working on a memoir and her MFA in creative writing at Fairleigh Dickinson University and she is a full time lecturer at Kean University.
This Is Where It Ends
She opens her eyes, she is in a white room. She sits on a white couch. The white wall in front of her isn’t a wall at all; it’s a screen. On the screen, there are words.
“Welcome, please say which memory you would like to see.”
Not believing that this is real, Ellie says sarcastically, “bring me to the day I met Nick.”
Suddenly she is back there. At the bar, she is sitting at the corner with a glass of chardonnay in front of her.
“Hey, today is my first day. I’m Nick.”
His hair is slicked back; his amber eyes glowing against his tan skin. His teeth are a bit crooked in a way that made you trust him, proving that he was almost perfect.
“Hi, I’m Ellie.”
Suddenly she is back in the white room on the white couch. Tears threatened to sneak out of the corner of her eyes.
“Show me Portland,” she whispers.
The breeze causes goosebumps to rise on her arms as they walk down the cobblestone street. The red door looks like any other. But the couple they had met that afternoon told them that this would be it. He opens the door and she walks down the stairs. As they stand in the room, they look at each other and smile because they know the secret. The wall is painted to look like the waiting room of an office. Furniture is placed perfectly to conceal the secret. The door is hidden, the mantle and the fireplace aren’t real, and it would simply push open, all they had to do was try. Nick looks at her; he wants them to do it together. They move the mantle, and standing on the other side is a bouncer, waiting to check their IDs.
They laugh as soon as they are ushered in. They walked to the bar and take two open seats. The bartender greets them with a smirk. It was known that if you made your way in you were welcomed with open arms. The bartender presents the drink menu and gestures to a booth in the corner.
“Best seat in the house. It’s a two-way mirror; you get to watch those who are trying to find their way in.”
The couple smiles and thanks the bartender for the drinks. Nick and Ellie move over to the red velvet booth. Hours pass as they drink and watch couples and groups fail while some pass and make their way into the bar—the entertainment value in who gives up and has to shamefully walk back up the stairs.
“Let’s go; there is one more place I want to take you.”
Nick, with his arm around Ellie, walks a few cobblestone blocks to a narrow alley. They reach a green door that says Chocolat; Nick pushes open the door. Inside is a small bar with six bar stools. Behind is one bartender, and sitting around are two other couples; two seats on the end are open. Ellie and Nick sit down.
Nick leans over the bar and says to the bartender, “she’ll have the sea salt caramel and chocolate drink, and I’ll have the white chocolate raspberry.”
Elli looks at him, surprised and intrigued, and kisses him on the cheek. She thinks about how this is the perfect surprise ending to the perfect night.
The martini glass is filled with a chocolate-colored substance while the rim of the glass is coated in caramel and sea salt.
“The way you are supposed to do this is by licking your rim and taking a small sip. The drinks are strong, so you take your time and enjoy,” the bartender explains.
Ellie picks up her glass, turns to Nick, and smiles while he licks his glass and takes his first sip. His eyes widen, and the amber flecks of fire catch the light, and she falls in love with him all over again.
“It’s like liquid candy,” he whispers.
She licks the rim of her glass, sweet and bitter caramel mixed with salty deliciousness is finished with bitter dark chocolate and lots of vodka.
“This is amazing,” she says with a smile. She leans into Nick and licks the bit of white chocolate that sits on his lip. She kisses him deeply as the sounds of classical music fill the air.
This time the white couch is still there, but on the screen, the words read, “What else would you like to remember?”
Ellie wipes the tears rolling down her face with the back of her hand. She looks down at her hands in her lap. She is wearing white linen pants and a white linen blouse, her hair is still blonde, and her nails are still painted a light pale pink. Where am I?
“Where am I?” She asks.
But the screen doesn’t answer. Instead the letters on the screen grow bigger.
“What else would you like to remember?” The screen glowed.
“Show me, Jake.”
She is on a beach, the cool breeze of the late evening is blowing, and the sun is just setting behind the blue ocean. Her bare feet squish the sand in between her toes. Behind her, she hears a voice, “I know you love this song, would you like to dance?”
Standing there in his white button-down shirt and khaki pants, she can’t help but be amazed at how handsome and stunning he looks. The wedding is winding down, and she wanted a moment to remember their trip, this moment where she felt the happiest she had felt in years. Of course, he found her, he always did.
“I would love to dance,” She said with a smile.
As he took her hand in his and he wrapped his other arm around her waist, she laid her head on his chest. Eyes closed, she heard the song playing in the background, “Oh, if all I got is your hand in my hand, Baby, I could die a happy man.”
The two swayed until the song ended, and even when the spice girls came on next, Ellie hesitated in pulling away. It was Jake who let her go first and walked slowly back to the party waiting for him at the other end of the beach. Ellie put her feet in the water and listened to the waves.
Back on the white couch, Ellie could no longer hold back the river of tears. Suddenly, a side table appeared, and a box of tissues sat on top. She grabbed a tissue and attempted to dry her eyes. She looked up at the words in front of her. “Welcome!”
“Where am I?” She asks aloud.
“What memory would you like to see?” The words on the screen display
“I want to know where I am!” She shouted. Angry now she stands up from the couch and suddenly her knees buckle and she falls back on to the feathery soft sofa underneath her. Her legs feel heavy and she gives into the weight of her tired body.
“Show me, Alex.”
Ellie is in a gazebo next to a lake. It is early in the morning, and the sun is just in the right position where the rays bounce off the water and make it glisten. Walking towards her and past the glitter is Alex. He sits down on the bench next to her.
“I can’t do this anymore. I don’t love you anymore,” he says.
Ellie places her head in her hands for a moment then slowly looks back up at him.
“That’s fine; I can’t let you keep hurting me anymore. This has to be over.”
She stands, looks him in the eye, and walks away. When she is far away from the pavilion, she looks back; he is still sitting there looking down at his feet. She wipes away a single tear from her eye and keeps walking, past the glitter, beyond the lake, and into the future.
This time accompanying the box of tissues is a glass of wine, Chardonnay, her favorite. She takes a sip and another tissue to dab at her eyes.
“Haven’t you had enough?” The words on the wall ask.
“No, I haven’t.” she yells.
She sits in silence. Staring at the screen that reads, “would you like to see another memory?” I want more, I want to see the good memories.
The silence almost breaks her. She lays her head in her hands and sobs harder than she had moments before. When it seems, that is all of the energy she has left, she lifts her head and looks at the wall and says, “Show me, Danny.”
The sun beams down on Ellie as she lies at the edge of the pool. Arms laying on the hot concrete, her legs rest in the shallow end of the pool, submerged enough to stay cool and in the direct sunlight so she can get a tan. Danny walks over and hands her a Miami Vice. The pink and white swirls of her drink disappear as they laugh and swim throughout the afternoon. He takes her head in his hands and kisses her deeply, “let’s go get ready for dinner.”
After a sun-soaked afternoon and a delicious dinner, the two decide to take a walk on the beach. The moon’s glow casts a white sheet along the calm water. The low rumble of the tide whispers along the coast’s edge. The couple walks along the sand and listens to the ocean’s movements. They find a place to sit and hold hands while breathing in the salty air.
“I want to tell you something, but I am afraid of what you will say,” Ellie says.
“You know you can tell me anything,” Danny whispers in her ear. He runs his finger through her hair and kisses her neck.
“Ok, you don’t have to say anything, I just want you to know how I feel. I love you.”
Ellie looks at Danny as he looks down in his lap. He lets go of her hand; he turns toward her and grabs both of her hands in his.
“I am so sorry.”
Ellie realizes what this means. She takes a deep breath and forces the tears not to fall.
“It’s ok like I said; you didn’t have to say anything.”
“I am so sorry,” he whispers into the night.
“Why are you doing this to me?” Ellie yells at the screen.
“Welcome,” is all it reads.
“I can’t take it anymore. I want to see good memories, not the painful ones!” She screams.
She takes another tissue, and as she blows her nose, she looks around at the all-white room. There is a white carpet, a white couch, a white end table, and four white walls. Ellie looks at the writing on the wall, and her eyes begin to dry.
She realizes that there isn’t a door.